still thoughts
16 april 05. 8:30 am.
McDo. Breakfast. sitting at the table opposite the door, i watch the people hurry themselves to work or wherever their destination is. as i take my doodle pad out of my bag, i asked myself, "how lucky am i?"
beneath the smiles and eccentric gestures, i realized i am just like any other girl. that i can't be mistaken as otherwise. though i walk and talk like a man, i am inside out a girl.
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Amazing. that's my favorite word for the week, the month, the year, maybe even for the rest of my life. it's just amazing how things seem to fascinate me. every single detail of life is just amazzzziiiinnngggg. a story with a happy beginning but with a sad ending is amazing. everything is amazing. even the way he looks at me amazes me. i've never been looked at by anyone with such piercing eyes. amazing how the pretentious me denies the feeling of being in love from the people who obviously notice it. and it's amazing how unaffected i am by the fact the he really doesn't love me. that he's just there for the smiles, the laughter, the fun, the sex, the trip. he loves another girl, i know. she abandoned him, he said. but he still loves her. the pictures of her in his wallet say it all. his reaction everytime i try to open up a conversation about her confirms it. he loves her. and me? just for the trip.
but still it's amazing.
McDo. Breakfast. sitting at the table opposite the door, i watch the people hurry themselves to work or wherever their destination is. as i take my doodle pad out of my bag, i asked myself, "how lucky am i?"
beneath the smiles and eccentric gestures, i realized i am just like any other girl. that i can't be mistaken as otherwise. though i walk and talk like a man, i am inside out a girl.
=========----------------++++++++++++++-----------------===================
Amazing. that's my favorite word for the week, the month, the year, maybe even for the rest of my life. it's just amazing how things seem to fascinate me. every single detail of life is just amazzzziiiinnngggg. a story with a happy beginning but with a sad ending is amazing. everything is amazing. even the way he looks at me amazes me. i've never been looked at by anyone with such piercing eyes. amazing how the pretentious me denies the feeling of being in love from the people who obviously notice it. and it's amazing how unaffected i am by the fact the he really doesn't love me. that he's just there for the smiles, the laughter, the fun, the sex, the trip. he loves another girl, i know. she abandoned him, he said. but he still loves her. the pictures of her in his wallet say it all. his reaction everytime i try to open up a conversation about her confirms it. he loves her. and me? just for the trip.
but still it's amazing.
posted by demented_i_am at 2:36 PM
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