irritated.

i am just so damn irritated. this feeling i loathe so much because its just plain senseless. no purpose. no reason. you just feel it. and it can kill you know? it starts with a really tiny detail you've just noticed after weeks of playing it safe and nice. then, you see it. its annoying at first. then it becomes itchy, and really irritating you'll hate yourself for ever opening to such stupidity. arrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

today is just a bad day for me. i console myself just so i wont get carried away with whatever shit im feeling right now, and stop thinking about committing suicide. or worse? hurt another so flagrantly it might wash all the emptiness in me - and may actually make me happy. arrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i just couldn't believe my own sister, the very first friend i've had in my friendster, would actually delete me from her account. how insulting! insulting is not even the word for it. its just plain hurtful and mean. it started there. then i saw a couple of faces smiling so feignly for the cameras to capture their good/pretty angles. i just hate it. people posting their most recent, not-so-good pictures just to show the whole online world that they are happy with that special person beside them. arrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

another thing, i hate the captions these pictures carry with them. i hate the mood it tries to create - capturing the memory of that particular event when the picture was not even taken candidly. arrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i am just so disturbed. im crazy, i know. thank you. if your feeling so many emotions all at the same time topped with lovely people around trying so desperately to entice you to come over to their world, you would be just like me. maybe even worse! such is the beauty of living. such is the pain of loving. i hate! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i hate! i hate! i hate! i just love giving into the feeling of hatred from time to time. irritating. loathesome. i hate!