sh*t... love sucks!

5:34am

office. crushed. melancholy.

bye, bye belinda bye bye!

im crushed at the moment. crushed with the thought that i have stupidly allowed myself to fall in love with someone that was so different from who i am. and the worst of this, i have been so vocal about my feelings making it hard for him to turn me down - allowing himself to linger on what i feel for him, then convictingly saying NO! when i had just begun to really enjoy what i've had with him.

wala ng iba para sa akin. maging sa panaginip ikaw ang nais makapiling. di pagpapalit kahit kay rio locsin. wala ng iba para sakin. hindi sasaya kung wala ka.

yesterday was jiorg's birthday. i seem to be cursed everytime his birthday comes. last year, i lost my savings. this year, i was extremely vigilant with my earthly possesions just to avoid the thing that happend last year. and i was actually glad that nothing happened to me during the day. well, not 'til the clock struck 12 am. as the day ended and my ex's celebration of birth passed, my heart just got crushed by someone who really didnt mean to do it. i was vigilantly guarding my material belongings that i forgot that the most important possessions that i have were actually vulnerable to destruction, my heart and sanity.

sorry mama pasensya ka na. akala ko'y asawa kita. sayang ang jeepney kanina'y lulan. at ngaun ay nagsisisi sa aking pagbubusisi.

king just vanished from my life. i dont know what happened. but my feelings, his presence, even his friendship had gone away back to oblivion.

i will remember you. will you remember me. dont let your life pass you by.

im going crazy, literally. i just want to sing. respond to every question with a verse from a song that best suits as an answer, converse with lines that pierce your heart but lift your soul. i dont want to open my mind. i dont want to think and talk at the same time. i just wanna be an observer. a photographer of some sort.

why do god give you things that you dont really ask for? why does he allow you to meet people who are so damn special, you wouldnt want anything but keep them? yet he wont allow you to keep that person. you can only love, cherish the memories, but never keep them. never brand them as yours, even for just a while.

spend all your time waiting for that second chance. i need some distraction. in the arms of an angel.

i will never have that second chance on love. ive met my true love yet ive allowed that feeling to slip away. i get disappointed everytime i see him. i love him. i stil do, though not that intense anymore. i still love him. but he doesnt anymore. he has forgotten me. he had said goodbye to our memories. but i still love him. and it hurts.

well, bye for now. i need to be back to the real world though my mind and spirit is already here with you...